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...(Fighter's History Dynamite)... 1994/Data East Neo-Geo Review by Polas - 6/15/02 |
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...(Fighter's History Dynamite)... 1994/Data East Neo-Geo Review by Polas - 6/15/02 |
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All right, let's not kid ourselves. Outside of Karnov, there's nothing terribly notable or exciting regarding Data East, whose games are mostly mediocre and have vanished into the realm of gaming obscurity. So in the mid-nineties, as the fighting game craze was catching on, Data East decided to cash in. Everyone and their uncle knew that all you had to do was slap together a half-decent rip-off of Street Fighter II, change a few aspects here and there, and you'd probably do moderately well. Unfortunately, Data East apparently forgot the "change a few aspects here and there" part when putting together Fighter's History.
Although they did have the good sense to change Guile into a punk rocker named after the most geriatric TV detective of all time. And yes, Matlok can pull off a Sonic Boom (Spinning Wave) by holding back, then pressing toward+punch, as well as Guile's Somersault Kick by holding down, then pressing up+kick. Subtle, eh?
Now, even though it should already be plainly obvious how bad of a rip this game is, let me assure you that it goes all the way down to the movesets, looks, dizzies, style, and pretty much any other aspect you can think of, to the nth degree. It was so bad, Capcom went as far to file a big-ass lawsuit against Data East. Help was needed; something ...or someone, that could set Data East's fighter apart. Some enlightened soul at the company must have realized that M. Bison was a pretty crappy last boss as far as Street Fighter went, and that's where Data East struck. They remembered that they still had the greatest video game star of them all under contract. And that's ... when HE got the call:
Clearly, this was a whole new ballgame.
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Putting Dhalsim to shame, Karnov has a souped up version of Yoga Flame, and his Yoga Fire bounces across the screen. Both are accompanied by the yelling of "FIRE!" in a thick Russian accent. On that note, I'm pretty sure it's also Karnov doing the announcing for this game, as the only people who can pull off the "(character name), WIIIIEEEEENS!" in that accent are Karnov and The Count from Sesame Street (or Count Blah from Greg the Bunny). As you can see, Karnov's belly is all scarred up from shooting all that fire, so he now takes the more conventional "breathing" method, with the aid of his magic necklace. By the way, knocking off Karnov's necklace makes him dizzy and causes him to stand there drooling like an idiot.
Karnov also has the Flying Flame Kick, and can headbutt and slide around on his stomach better than anyone. With these amazing moves and powers, you'd probably expect Karnov to be the ass-kickingist fighter in the game, and not only do we know it, but he knows it as well. Karnov's game trumps the Street Fighter "post match insult" system by giving out personalized ones instead of random. Click the shots below to see Karnov dish it out:
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Of course, every once in awhile, Karnov will become overconfident and let his guard down, and lose the occasional fight. Not only does he look incredibly fucked up after getting smoked, but pretty much everyone takes the easy way out and makes fun of his weight problem:
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For shame, says I. Don't worry though, Karnov can't be stopped for long. In fact, once he makes it through band rehearsal and a fight with the freaky Clown subboss (whose name is, most creatively, "Clown")....
...It's time for the ULTIMATE BATTLE:
If there was ever any event that surmised "Clash of the Titans" to a tee, this would be it. The final battle takes place inside of Karnov's posh Russian palace, lined with snow, treasure, and most notably, statues of half-naked ladies and Karnov himself. MTV Cribs, THIS is where the ratings are. Although I'm sure the fabric of the universe has been altered just by me posting these shots, it's not something I want on my head, so instead of discussing it any further, let's just give you Karnov's ending.
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So now, at least we know what Karnov did with all the scratch he made in the eighties, in addition to winning whatever the hell tournament was going on in this stupid Fighter's History game. Stupid until the man showed up, anyway. You read the misspelled final frame of "he" ending - Long Live Karnov!
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