 |
1989/Broderbund Review by FalconPain - 7/28/03 Requested by: Mommorpher |
|
|
1989/Broderbund Review by FalconPain - 7/28/03 Requested by: Mommorpher |
|
INTRODUCTION Greece. Capital: Athens. Population: Just over 10 million. History? Loads.
Greece is an odd country. Tourists frequent the area, not to see the current sights, but to see the long run-down sights that reflect how it used to be. And why wouldn't they? Ancient Greece gave us insane philosophy, advances in the sciences, popular sporting events, plenty of ceramics, more recipes for lamb than meals I've had that contained lamb, and a religion that left the confines of moral structure and went straight into the realm of fantasy storytelling. And, in many ways, inspired the fantasy storytelling of today.
So it's no surprise that there have been many movies, television shows, and games based on Greek mythology. Since this is a gaming site, we'll throw out the first two right now and stick to what we know. And what we find is The Battle of Olympus, a game that remains as true to Greek religious practices as Bible Adventures remains to Christianity, and is considerably more fun.
And rips off Zelda 2: The Adventure of Link. Shamelessly.
THE STORY There's a city called Eris in the Greek region of Peloponnesus. In this city, there lived a young couple who carried out the traditional Greek life. They ate, slept, worshipped an astoundingly large number of deities, and loved each other. Then the girl, named Helene, got herself bitten by a poisonous snake and died.
The man, whose name was Orpheus, didn't like this much at all, so he decided to take matters into his own hands, venture into the valley of the dead, and KICK THEIR ASSES UNTIL THEY GAVE HER BACK.
Here, we see one of the inherent flaws of the story. There just isn't enough fun in walking to each enemy one by one, playing beautiful music until they calm down, and moving on. Because of this, Orpheus takes a few liberties with the original story. Specifically, he takes more liberties than Kevin Sorbo and Lucy Lawless combined. So, as he single-handedly impersonates the tale of Heracles and Admetus for his Eurydice understudy, the story takes a whirlwind tour of just about every Greek mythological creature and plot point available without breaking out the difficult texts. (And, by writing that paragraph, I have ensured that this review will not spend ten pages explaining how they got each tale wrong. I aim to please.)
Oh, and there's a subplot about recovering the three fragments of Helene's love from three friendly nymphs, but this is never adequately explained. More importantly, it gives the lovely Aphrodite an excuse to appear in the manual and avoid the game entirely.
ITEMS 
When you start your game, you are armed with a club and 00 snakes. Yes, Orpheus may be drawn with a shield and sandals, but he doesn't have them yet. Anyway, in the time-honored Zelda tradition, you're going to fill up your inventory rather quickly as you progress.
Club, Staff of Fennel, Sword, Divine Sword - These are the four main weapons Orpheus can equip during his quest. Each one does about double the damage of the previous one, but you can switch between them at any time. This is useful because certain enemies love swords about as much as sticks in the eye, and a couple of the weapons can be imbued with magical abilities once you've talked to the proper deities. The Staff of Fennel sends a flame in a low arc to land on the ground, and the Divine Sword shoots bolts of lightning.
Once you have access to these abilities, they can be called forth with the simple combination of up and the attack button. And if you think that's the only thing this game copied from the Castlevania series, think again.
Harp of Apollo, Ocarina - The considerably more appropriate "weapons" for Orpheus. Actually, the Harp is a lyre, but don't tell Apollo or he might send the sun at you or something. Whenever you want to wake a sleeping creature, summon a dolphin, summon Pegasus the winged horse, or dispel a Siren's song, just play one of these instruments. It would help if you play the correct instrument, though. My mnemonic: If it flies, Harp. If it doesn't, Ocarina.
Trojan Pitcher - This washed up on shore one day and managed to get stuck on top of a pillar. Once you've recovered it, it can be filled whenever you find a fountain of nectar. The Romans made aqueducts that moved water, and the Greeks made fountains that spewed out the drink of the gods. No wonder we use the Pantheon's Greek names.
Eye of the Graeae - Legend tells of three old ladies who share a single eye. This eye reveals secret doors if you use it in the right places, so in order to progress, you'll have to rob the grannies blind. Literally.
Moon Crystal - This powerful orb causes the moon to shine. Wow. It's only useful in one location, unless you just want to make the screen flash. I can see the appeal in that.
Sandals of Hermes - “...and Mercury, guide and guardian, bound on his glittering golden sandals with which he could fly like the wind over land and sea..." These don't allow you to fly through the game, making Orpheus the target of derision from rival NES Greeks Athena and Pit, but they do allow you to jump higher. Jump high enough in the right areas and you can even walk on the ceiling. This is ultimately useless is all but a few areas, as the ceiling isn't terribly solid and the local enemies won't be impressed by your acrobatics. Still, when you start jumping over bottomless pits, you'll want every advantage you can get.
Shield of Athena - It wouldn't be a Zelda clone without the ability to block incoming projectiles with a shield of some sort. Unlike Link, however, Orpheus has little or no control over his shield's position, so a lot of projectiles will strike him anyway. At least he doesn't move it out of the way when he jumps.
Salamander Shield - This is a difficult item to obtain, and its only benefit over the Shield of Athena is its ability to block fire. Oddly, this ability doesn't seem to prevent bursts of fire from actually striking Orpheus, but that might be because he can't hold a shield to save his life.
Key - As the manual asks, "How can the key be used and where is it?" I suspect it might unlock something. Oddly, the door this key fits happens to be an automatic door that slides open as you approach, ultimately rendering the key useless... unless you don't have it.
Bracelet of Power - When you use the Divine Sword's special attack, you lose health. When you equip this bracelet, you don't lose health. And if that isn't enough reason to buy it, it also doubles your attack power, which is useful if you don't want to have to hit the final boss more than 30 times in order to defeat him.
Olives - the currency of Greece, not counting periods in Greek history that actually happened. Surprisingly, money does not grow on trees in this game, which makes the idea a little more rational. This oily unit of trade still manages to be annoying because you can only get olives one at a time by defeating enemies. You can only carry up to 99, and this fact is going to haunt you during your entire quest.
Bay Leaves - Also dropped by enemies, but this restores your life meter by one point. Since you start with eight bars of life maximum and enemies often take them off in clumps of two or more, you'll be happy to see these much of the time.
Ambrosia - The food of the gods can be found in five rather odd places throughout the game. They are essentially Greek Heart Containers, as each one restores your health and adds four bars to your meter. (This is the equivalent of starting Zelda with 2 hearts and collecting up to 7. You need these things.)
Golden Apple - There's only one in the game, but that's enough. Claiming it will halve the damage you take, which is a great improvement from the "drop dead" aspect found in the original story.
And, of course, there are those three Fragments of Love you've been seeking. Each one has an unusual power, from removing electrical barriers and revealing even more previously unseen doorways to serving as photo ID in a fine establishment in Athens. Obtaining one also gives you a message from Helene, who just wants you to know that she loves you. Really.
ENEMIESThis game's enemy list is simultaneously relevant and boring. The basic enemies are the kind you'll find in any decent platformer, and the bosses are ripped right out of the Big Book of Greek Monsters. (I find it significant that our game culture is so used to Greek mythology that the concepts of "one-eyed giant" and "half man, half animal" do not surprise us in the least.) There are a few notable creatures, though.
Spear-Throwing Teddy Bear - You'll see this guy often in Attica. He runs toward you and sits there. If you get closer, he throws his spear and runs. The spear is blockable, but you'll need to be quick to hit him before he gets away. Unless he runs into a wall, in which case he'll come running right into your waiting weapon. 
Satyrs - You'll find these horny half-goats riverdancing across the towns of Elis and Laconia without caring which way they'll go next. They make a good source of olives, too. 
Lamia - One of two archer enemies in the game. This one is notable for being a snake woman and NOT being Medusa, who you would expect in a game that has such a fetish for snakes (I'll explain later), is Greek-inspired, and rips ideas directly from Castlevania. She's also topless, which makes it rather odd that none of the men in the nearby town want to fight her. 
Centaur - The other archer. Most centaurs are considered proud, noble warriors of great strength. This one is a bouncing, prancing sissy who can't keep more than two hooves on the ground at the same time and ricochets off invisible walls. If one were to write about homosexuality in Greek myth, they'd be wise to start here. 
Graeae - I mentioned their eye-hoarding previously, but that pales in comparison to their fighting prowess. They fade in slowly, fire a blast of energy, and fade out again. Other than that, they're just elderly women in robes. The Wizz kind. 
Amazons - These sword and knife-wielding women walk the halls of the Labyrinth. They are notable, not only because half of them are twice the height of the rest, but also because they have the EXACT fighting pattern of Zelda 2's Ironknuckles.
Anti-Gravity Ninjas - No one can understand the nature of ninjas, or why a group of them would patrol the Labyrinth in a shameless knife-throwing Ironknuckle rip-off, only while standing on the ceiling. All I know is that if they had really existed in ancient Greece, we would probably have ninja competitions in the Olympics today, and the world would have ninjas from every country on the globe, and that's an idea that's just too cool to ignore.
GODS One cannot discuss Greek mythology without mentioning the numerous deities that had to be worshipped daily, lest really bad stuff happen to the populace.
Other than their location and their resident, there's not much difference between the temples. You walk into a pillared room and the NES blares out Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D Minor while completely forgetting about the whole Toccata part. But no, you can't just talk to your gods, despite this being a "time when men and gods lived together". You have to kneel first.
If there is one lesson this game teaches you, it's how to kneel. To block low shots, you kneel. To speak to your favorite worshipees, you kneel. To pick up ANY DROPPED ITEM IN THE GAME, you kneel. To drink from a nectar fountain, you kneel. Against some enemies, your best strategy is to run forward and kneel so that you slide forward as you attack. You almost kneel more than you jump in this game!
Another lesson you'll learn is that the gods must be crazy. Some of them will help you. Some of them will demand bribes before they help you. Some of them will hang out in someone else's temple in an effort to artificially increase the length of the game. One of them will get angry and STEAL YOUR SHOES if you don't give him enough olives. And all of them, once you've accomplished whatever they wanted you to accomplish, will give you the Word of God during subsequent conversations. It sounds like gobbledygook, but is actually a highly secret code that will permit you to retain your position in the game upon death without penalty.
AREAS 
After you've named your main character (the six letters you get don't allow you to enter the character's actual name) and your lady in absence, the game starts properly. As the game is nonlinear and this is not a walkthrough, I'll simply describe each of the world's nine "authentic" Greek areas, each with its own ways to aggravate the first-time player.
Arcadia - You begin your game here. It is notable for being quite easy to traverse and for having enemies that are too short for you to hit, even when you kneel. The only way to defeat them is to hit them when they fall, hit them when they jump stupidly, or burn them with a magic blast from your staff. If you're upside down, you'll have no chance of hitting them at all, so don't go upside down.
There's also a bull near Zeus's temple, but it's not worth mentioning.
Attica - There are two villages here. One is Elis, which happens to be your hometown. The other is Athens, which happens to be Athena's hometown. This place also serves as your reintroduction to Castlevania stairs. Press up to climb, press down to descend, and don't fall off or you'll die instantly. You know the drill.
There's a kidnapped child to save in the area, as well as a stony boss called Gaea that refuses to attack you unless you provoke it. Provoking it is the challenge.
Argolis - This is where controllers first start heading toward the TV screen. This cave system is littered with bottomless pits, and there are bats hanging over them that really want to knock you in. You'll also meet your first snakes.
Have I mentioned the snakes in this game? There are four colors of regular enemy snakes, two snake-like bosses, a recurring major snake enemy, and even the half-snake Lamia. And yes, that 00-snake count in your inventory means something. It means you'll have to skin some salamanders to make a shield later. Twenty, to be exact. (In Battle of Olympus, all reptiles look like snakes. Legs are unneeded.) So where are these salamanders? In one of the bottomless pits. Which one? It's hard to tell. There are a couple of informants in the area who will give clues, but chances are you won't find them until you've left the area. Meanwhile, each time you die, you have to restart at the last god you visited or at the beginning of the area. Did I mention that there's also a fake snake pit that doesn't contain any salamanders?
And this is just the frustration before you realize that you're going to have to search for invisible doors later on. And that the local god, Hermes, isn't around to save your game when you first arrive. And that there are two docks that you can use later... but you can't reach one of them without dying. I hate this place. At least the lion boss is easy to beat.
Peloponnesus - According to the manual, Elis is a town in this region. I am amazed by the game designers. They managed to put your hometown, your hometown's region, and your starting point in THREE SEPARATE AREAS.
This forest serves as your introduction to door mazes. Although they make more sense than, say, Monster Party's, notorious sixth level, you will be sick of door mazes by the time this game has been completed. There's also a hydra to kill (the monster concept has evolved from "nine-headed serpent thing" to "eight snakes" at some point), a Cyclops to kill, and an Apollo to visit. And one anonymous tipster will have you swinging your weapon (*gag*) at every tree in sight, hoping that you'll find something in the branches.
Laconia - A seaside town full of pillars. The pillars are very unstable, and will often drop you into nonfatal pits if you strike them. This place is also your introduction to rock-dropping birds and monkeys. You know how birds are always out to kill you in these early NES games? These are no exception. They do a full FOUR BARS OF DAMAGE if they strike you with a rock or with their body. As for the monkeys, they prefer to sit in one spot until you get close, then hop around like crazy. In other words, they're exact clones of Castlevania's gremlins, and are just as annoying.
There's a second Cyclops here, a Siren, the Graeae, and Poseidon. Poseidon starts an irritating trend of selling you his help. Why is this irritating? Well, all expenses are 50 olives or more, especially later in the game. And you can only carry 99 olives at a time. And if you die and continue in the same region (as opposed to the last Word of God you heard), you lose half of your olives. Do the math, and you'll find that dying ONCE (say, in one of those bottomless pits) means that you can't afford anyone's help. It only gets worse as the game continues.
Phthia - This mountainous area is the last region of the game that is not a maze. Despite this, it is one of the more annoying areas of the game due to difficult jumps and enemies designed to knock you off the precarious cliffs. It also introduces another enemy that's too short to attack, except this one doesn't even help you out by jumping. So what's good here? Hephaestus (looking particularly nondeformed) can sell you the strongest weapon in the game. The Golden Apple is located here for the benefit of your health meter. There's a dragon (read: snake) to kill just past a group of deadly moths and plants. The Centaur is the only one of its kind in the game. You'll only come here once. The music is enjoyable to listen to. And the name of the area is fun to say. Try it. "Phthia."
Crete - I promised you mazes from here on out, and Minos' infamous labyrinth is no exception. This island can be reached only by sea, so you'll need a god's help to get here. The enemies here are persistent and annoying, it's easy to get lost in the colorful hallways, and there are three places you need to go.
Ares lives here, and the manual describes him as "the god of war and of fighting". Good thing we cleared that up. Otherwise we might have had some wars where both sides merely flipped coins. Anyway, he's not a nice fellow if you don't do what he wants. If you do what he wants, which involves giving him 80 olives, he'll give you the incredibly useful Bracelet of Power.
Also on sale for 80 olives (YES, that means you'll have to bring 160 olives here, despite only being able to carry 99) is a salamander shield. This will require you to donate your hefty skin collection to Circe as well. I'm not sure why the infamous witch is dealing in armor, but I assure you that her evil laughter means absolutely nothing. There are no swine in this game.
And, if you've been finding Fragments of Love, the last one is located here past the enemy everyone expects to find in the Labyrinth. You know. The guy with the bull head. (Like everyone else in this labyrinth, he carries a shield.)
Phrygia - There's only one reason to come here. Two if you count the ambrosia. But you will be facing an evil clone of Pegasus, stone gargoyles, and lots of snakes in addition to Phthian platforming and stair climbing in the middle of an intricate (but not wraparound) door maze just to meet with the goddess Artemis. I hope you appreciate her help, because it happens to be free. And there's a false exit on the way out in case you didn't think this place was evil enough.
 |  |
Tartarus - Also referred to as Hades, but you don't want to worry about that because Hades is also the name of the god you're after. Also, don't worry too much about the fact that you're travelling into the realm of the dead. Everybody's doing it. Heracles did it. Theseus did it. Odysseus did it. Xena did it. Even AENEAS did it, the jerk.
Your journey will not be an easy or exciting one. First you must find the magically appearing entrance in a location you probably passed earlier in the game. Then you must choose between four pairs of doors or risk running into rematches with old bosses. Then you run into a boss anyway, and this one happens to heal itself to full health whenever you fail to kill it as quickly as possible. Stupid multiple-headed guard dog.
After that, there are door mazes, difficult jumps (some of which are upside-down), blatant impersonations of other areas (including one place that looks so much like Argolis, you can accidentally wind up back there and have to start over), and multiple music selections. If you can find hidden doors, you'll find the nymphs that have been showering you with love during the game so far, and they'll heal you.
Once you've solved the final maze of the game, you'll come across a statue of your girlfriend. In the next room is a bridge that passes over a lovely river. But where's Hades, the somber deity who caused you so much grief?
Oh, he's beating you up, and you can't see him unless you use a previously unused item to make the battle more dramatic. (Even after the area has been properly moonlit, you can only see his shadow. A shadow as the final boss? I would have never thought of that!) Even then, he's got a sword and it's going to be another tedious Ironknuckle-style fight.
Once you've finally killed (?) the god, you can return to Helene's side and watch her become soft and squishy again. And after the tearful reunion takes place, our hero and damsel watch a dramatic sunrise over a Greek temple in an ending sequence that is inspired by Castlevania, rather than stolen. (For one thing, nothing crumbles.) And, if you press Start, you get to watch the sun rise again! And again! As many times as you want! Apollo himself adheres to the whims of the young adults who gaze calmly at the solar display, refusing to acknowledge that the fact that the rescue was successful flies flagrantly in the face of everything that is good and decent about the ending of the myth that the game was based on.
You do not visit or save Olympus in this game. The title loses a bit of credibility. Oh well. It wasn't all that important to begin with.
CONCLUSION So what have we learned from this game? We've learned that old works of fiction are tangible and easily molded to fit our wishes. We've learned that the Dragon Warrior concept of losing half your money upon death is cruel and unusual punishment when applied to a genre where death is frequent and instant. And hopefully we've learned that we should dust off and play Adventure of Link again, since this game, playable as it is, is no great improvement over the original.