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It's been almost one year since my last review for this site. There are many reasons I can cite for this; burnout, real life, so on and so forth, but there's one thing that can get me writing about funny old games at the drop of a hat - inspiration, of course. This time, instead of waiting for it to hit me, I was going to find it.
As you may have noticed on the Request Page, I essentially divide the games I review into three categories: good, bad, and weird. I don't really have a preference, as long as I can find something special or distinctive about a game to talk about, it's all good. Things do get interesting when you start to notice an overlap, such as many of the bad and weird games falling under the hilarious "what were they thinking?" banner. This is a banner I almost always enjoy writing under.
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I've done reviews of some pretty horrid games, such as Bebe's Kids, and covered some pretty horrid concepts, like Shaq Fu. But look at the system you can find both of these games on. Indeed, the Super NES, and every system that has a section here despite those bad or wacky games that generally make no sense, is looked back upon by millions with fondness and reverence. Even many of the lesser-known systems, some of which are found in the Other, section, have a smaller, but extremely loyal fanbase. So what if .... what if I could find not just a game, not just a series, but an entire system that's planted six feet under the "what were they thinking?" banner? A console that lives in infamy, which few have dared to question why, let alone play? That's exactly what I did.
The Atari Jaguar. Virtual Boy. Pretty much everything Sega did after the Genesis and before the Dreamcast. All fit the above description, to a point. Until you look at the companies behind them - and when you do, these systems are then categorized more as isolated failures from companies that have otherwise done right. Yeah, even Atari. That just won't do. For my purposes, we'll need something special. I'm talking about the bastard cousin of one of the most successful consoles in gaming history. The indirect result of failed relationships between one company trying to return to an industry it started, and two of the biggest names in gaming, past and present. Ladies and gentlemen...
Thar she blows - in more ways than one. For those unaware, the CD-I was born of an agreement between Sony and Philips/Magnavox, and was intended as a super multimedia-type system that could play music, video, and software. However, in the early 1990's, people weren't yet ready to abandon their VCRs and CD players, especially for $400. And the games? Let me tell you something. I wanted to take the high road on this, but there's no other way to say it - it's impossible to get people interested in your software by making them play with a remote that looks like a robot dildo. I'm sorry, it just is. See the circle in the top center? That's actually your analog control, while the two buttons on the bottom-left/right both function as "Button 1". "Button 2" rounds things out above. It's as comfortable as it looks.
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Sorry, got on a bit of tangent there. Anyway, after the Super NES hit it big, Nintendo was thinking about a CD-ROM add-on, and went into dealings with both Sony and Philips, then went on to pull out on both counts. Sony? Released the CD-based system christened as the Playstation, and you know what happened from there. Philips? Got the rights to release some really bad games featuring Nintendo-licensed characters. I know, it's tough to decide who got the better of that deal.
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As you might expect, Philips was unable to salvage the CD-I, even after repackaging the thing as more of a gaming-only console, with free games and a less awful, more normal-looking controller. There were actually a few different models, each with slightly different capabilities, and later ones even had a trackball controller. The good news? My CD-I 490 is one of the more compact, sleeker versions, fitting snugly under my Dreamcast in this sensational blurry photo. Poor little Dreamcast. The bad news?
So join me if you will on my journey into the depths of one of gaming's biggest mistakes. You've probably noticed that while I covered some brief history and system specs, I failed to mention anything about the meat and potatoes; namely, the games. Well, Doctor Genius, that's what this section is for. Rest assured, I have awful CD-I game after awful CD-I game lined up for review. At the moment, I lack the ability to hook everything up to my PC, so you'll have to deal with the pictures I take off of my cell phone camera. Don't worry, they come out better than blurry shot of my CD-I. Perhaps in the future, you'll get better quality and even audio, but for now, I think what you're about to experience will be more than enough. Inspiration, thy name is Philips. And thou truly make me ponder, "what were they thinking?".