Boxing
1980/Activision
....Review by Polas - 10/13/01....
Some may say that this is a simple boxing game that while incredibly laughable by today's standards, was considered a total knockdown-dragout before compact discs. But I feel differently, and I think it's pretty obvious from looking at the screenshots that you'll agree: this is clearly a battle between two angry tarantulas, each one trying to grab the niblet of corn taped to the other's nose, inside of a sandbox. And if you don't agree with me, well, I managed to fill up a paragraph either way, so nuts to you.
Now, most boxing games nowadays, or in the last 10-15 years, have some kind of intricate knockout/point system, bonuses, and multiple ways to beat your opponent. That's pussy shit. Seriously, what kind of a wuss can take a win by decision over Don Flamenco and still feel like a man? In Boxing (the Activision game, not boxing), there's only one way to win: blast your opponent in his oversized schnozz more times than he can do the same to you in the span of 2 minutes. At least I hope that's a schnozz.
There are only two modes of play in this one, which is a bit disappointing. In most sports games, and Atari games for that matter, there are usually at least 5-6, and sometimes 30-40, different game modes to pick from. Sure, most of them involve either a change in number of players, shifted over objects, "faster" gameplay, or more enemies, but it's the thought that counts, right? Nope, not here; one or two players, that's it. And the computer isn't exactly what you'd call Evander Holyfield out there. So really, the only way to get the most out of this game is to either have a really bad day and take out your aggression on 2 bits of evil boxer man (seek help), or find someone less skilled than you and routinely beat the crap out of him or her.
Unfortunately, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the race issue. Take a look at our fighters. OK, now look at Player One. HE'S A WHITE GUY. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but everyone wants to be Player One. Player Two is usually reserved for the annoying little sibling or whoever lost the last game. Therefore, Player 2 will usually either be the computer or the less skilled player. So it seems that Activision has ensured that in most cases, the white guy will be pounding on the black guy. Shaaaaaame. In addition, since when do white guys win in boxing? Granted, I was just a wee little tyke in the heyday of Atari, but I'm sorry; this oversight takes quite a bit away from the otherwise ultra-realism this game presents.
All criticism and absolute bullcrap aside though, this is one of those games you can play for a long while if you're with a friend or family member. And really, the only strategy is move up, down or back to avoid punches/block, hit the Fire button to throw a sluggish punch. The only payoff after every two minutes, win or lose, is the "ding, ding, ding" of a bell. Beating up on the computer can wear pretty thin as a result, so just make sure you have a willing human victim to knock the stuffing out of before playing this one.
