3-15-08

Want to Smash against Polas?

Send me yours, and it's on.

8-6-07

Our most prolific contributor, Mars, does what I simply refuse to do at this point - whip up some new material. Long before Vic Romano's first "Right You Are, Ken", Takeshi's Castle was inspiring terror in other forms of spinoff. Namely, a game that not only sucks, not only causes untold nonsensical frustration, but was actually designed to do so. Do you dare take Takeshi's Challenge?

7-15-07

You know, with all the thousands of people I have looking at my idiotic Toaster video, you'd think I'd try and update more than once every half year. I keep telling myself I will, and you know how that turns out. On the plus side, an extremely belated GOTY article lies just to your right in the Contempo Corner, which if nothing else is way longer than the past two years. As for me, I'm about to get started on an actual retro review. No, really. Right now. I mean it!

1-21-07

A retrotastic new year to you and yours, and we kick it off 21 days late with the long-promised new CD-I review. It isn’t quite the epic disasterpiece that was Hotel Mario, but it does have more awful videos, not to mention a celebrity guest star.

Looks like there’s no carts, so start walkin’! Yuk yuk.

I’m going back to playing with my Wii. I’ll talk about that and other things soon.

10-29-06

It only took 5 and a half years, but I finally put up a forum.

The Lounge

There you can discuss old reviews, new reviews (haha), new Contempo Corners like the one on the right over there, as well as any aspect of retro gaming, current gaming, and/or whatever else occupies your sick little mind. It will be permanently accessible by way of the "Lounge" icon in the side menu. Also, see the Requests & Submissions Board to find out why the "Request" icon went the way of the "Submissions" link. Happy Lounging!

9-3-06

Welcome to the new permanent home of the Retro Cafe. Despite being kicked off of Latent Medium after cheating to defeat Frank Jaeger in a Best-of-39 arm wrestling contest, I'd like to thank him for the years of hosting and design help he offered. Good show!

To celebrate the new, I've waved my magic CD-I remote over the old Hotel Mario review, turning it into the Hotel Mario Remix. This is the review I wanted to do over a year ago but couldn't due to technological limitations, also the reason I stopped progress on new CD-I reviews. With Hotel Mario Remix as proof, I will now bring more of the best of the worst that the CD-I had to offer. You know, eventually. For now, enjoy the all-new screenshots, videos (twice as many if you find all the easter eggs), content, and Mick Jagger references.

Thanks for your patronage. I hope to make some more updates in the near future; "hope" being the operative word. Here's to making old new again.

DONATE

Polas has slaved in the Cafe for years to bring you the classic, the strange, and the nostalgic. If you'd like to repay the favor, feel free to send Polas some shiny, pixelated coins (in PayPal form). Who knows, you may find yourself ankle deep in useless retro perks. Or if you've been requesting a review for Magic of Scheherazade since 2001, I'll ... consider it a little harder.

Contempo Corner

Polas shares his thoughts on more current gaming.

*NEW!* 7/15/07 - Trying to break his own record for being the last person on the web to do a GOTY article, Polas finally finishes deciding upon not one, but TWO top games of the past year. If you think that this shocking twist somehow involves Mega Man ... well, just click, smartass.

11/19/06 - Polas tries to stave off Wii fever by, well, writing about the Wii. Yeah, yeah, I know. It's not much, but at least me it kept me from waiting on line at Best Buy with this guy.

10/29/06 - It's been well-documented that Polas plays far too much Mortal Kombat. But what happens when he plays it right after egomaniacally reading one of his old reviews? Read on to discover the grisly results, complete with more hot YouTube action.

9/16/06 - I've said for years that one day I'd dig through the cupboard and uncover some "lost" reviews for you, that for one reason or another I began but never finished. Now, I've combined the 1st and 4th place choices from the last Poll-as into one bafflingly terrible CD-I update. Have at thee!

1/5/06 - To ring in the new year, Polas shares his favorite games of the old year. Featuring a rare GOTY choice that some people might actually agree with. Worry not, Pinball and Mega Man are still included.

11/19/05 - Want to try to kick Polas' asphalt in the newest Mario Kart incarnation? Here's how!

9/3/05 - Yeah, yeah, no CD-I review as of yet. Excuses inside. Not to mention some incredible F-Zero news, and a reminder about TGS.

Contempo Corner Archive